A Dive, A Dip, A Trip ~ Episode One

A dive? A dip? A trip? An exploration? An excavation? A dig? What is the collective noun for an accumulation of Exquisite experiences? The Exquisites…..I have decided it is just so simple. This is what we will do: Dive, soar, glide, float, bask, sit in awe and wonder in the discovery, gently and kindly, that there are many ways to find the Exquisite in a state of Absolute Presence…… many different ways. As I begin this project I hope to lead you into movements, breaths, music, whispers and talks that will take you deeply into the Altered States of being that are available to all of us….. if we can become safe enough to be still enough, sometimes, or energetic enough at others, to then allow all to become supremely still, Exquisitely beautiful, within & without. And we then gently learn, as it is not an instant lesson or an epiphany, this one, that we are capable of feats of consciousness that transcend the need or desire for drugs, plant medicine or alcohol. We are, we can become, we hold the Divine within us. Let us gently, kindly and slowly lift the veils.

With A Movement that Allows Us to Land. To Land? Land From Where? Most of us have allowed our minds, thoughts, organs, hormones & kinospheres to exist in these very particular estates: hyper-aroused, madly scanning for danger in a vast and dark place: The pain of the past and the fear of the future…..Constantly crouched, eyes wildly watching, thighs tight, pelvic floor taught, belly clenched, ready to pounce in horror, offence and fury. Or we cringe, shoulders up, ready to dart under the stairs, behind a chair, terror waiting around every corner. Dreading being left, forgotten, adults behaving like small children, terrified of abandonment.

Lost, in the mists of our fading histories and obsessive projections, we dare allow no part of ourselves in the now. This cruel landscape holds us in its thrall, demanding we search for a sense of safety by peering at screens for everything, heads thrown forward, eyes piercing through the mirror-shine, gagging to work out how to get into that Promised Land beyond: A glinting mirage filled with possibilities, horror stories, love, sex, drama and lies. And we believe this land to be the truth. That to be utterly disconnected from the absolutes of now is more important, and vastly more seductive than now, nature, peace, stillness.

We have come to believe that if we stare hard enough, long enough, scroll, swipe, stab and like enough, we will find redemption, forgiveness, peace & happiness. Maybe I have now talked you out of wanting to: Start with a movement that allows us to land….

To Find Perfect Stillness You Need To Be Able To Trust. Can you trust yourself? Can you trust anyone?Can you trust me? Why would you? Chances are that you do not know me…. here we are in an abstract distraction, a newsletter about finding The Exquisites. Intriguing, certainly, but now there is an invitation: you have to enquire. Effort, expending energy to fund stillness.Interesting questions. What do they bring up?I have put out an invitation: trust me, do as I say and find stillness.

To be able to find stillness is no abstraction. It requires a divestation. You need to divest yourself of your stress system.

It is the only way. Not forever, but for the time you are with me. How do you undress from something so robust, so seductive, so all-pervading, all seeing, sensing, imagining, 24/7?

It is so very simple, and yet so utterly challenging. Akin to being in the safest safe room ever invented and asking you to switch off all the alarms, security, sensor pads and laser beams. Utter insanity, why would you do this?

Why? Because we are living in unprecedented times. We have abandoned ourselves, completely, oh, so entirely, to our ability to feel overwhelmed, oppressed & horrified. We have a flaw in the older part of our brain: when we are scared we need to keep going back and checking for safety. We need to keep looking, scrolling, watching. The Amygdala cannot tell the difference between reality and imagination, memory and a story. Wind it up into a frenzy of fear and Boom! We are seduced into terror and torment. This has been discovered by some deviously manipulative people who have learned how to weaponise this flaw against us: used this awareness to turn us into products, information-givers.

And so we have sacrificed the ability to be Human Beings, therein lies the naming of the lost skill that brings you to read this, and we have consciously, defying all the signs and warnings, sold our souls to the Gods of the Internet.

Our stress systems are now so hyper-aroused and freaked-out that our attention span is less than 55 seconds. Presence is, for 99.99999% of the planet, an impossibility.

This is the invitation: undoing the first buttons in the divestation, the undressing of the stress system. The nakedness leads to the gift.

Think of this as a test. It is a test. And it is crucial to the whole.

You have to pass the test. It is literally mind-blowingly hard. If you cannot “do” this you will not get the gift.

Seriously.

Can you dare to Trust Me? You have to close your eyes and listen to my voice, whilst doing as I say, to let stillness come over you. The test is this: Can you read this once and then press the recording to hear my voice talk you though a movement sequence? You must follow my voice and the sequence.

Can you?

Sit comfortably: on a chair, spine straight, or on the floor, legs crossed. If on the floor make sure your hip bones are higher than your knees. If not, sit on a cushion or a book to elevate your pelvis. This is technically important… it affects the stress system if the knees are higher.

Trust me.

Close your eyes. Go into the muscles of your forehead and relax them. Do it again, deeper this time. There are several layers to these muscles.

Relax your ears, your throat. Soften your throat, let the shoulders soften, but stay sitting spine straight.

Go back to your forehead and soothe the muscles there, again. Now interlock your fingers in front of your chest, elbows wide, and pull the hands so they thrum with the tension. Your eyes are closed. Keep breathing, raise your chest, keep breathing, raise your chin with your hand raising up too, and then elbows pull back and your ribs flare, your arms arrive up above your head. It is a magical moment. Your eyes are closed. They stay closed.

Take a long deep inhale and raise chin. Hold the breath and turn as far as you can to one side, head too. Exhale.

Come back to the centre and take another long deep inhale, chin raised, turn as far as you can to the other side and exhale.

Keep the eyes closed and bring your hands down to your lap, palms up, on your knees, eyes closed, and notice:

No mind. No breath. All has stopped. Stay in this stillness. Eyes closed. All quiet.

This is how we get to The Exquisites…..

Have You Ever Watched A Close Up of an Octopus?
There is an obvious pulsation, a visible, gently repetitive flow moving through their heads as they sit watching the camera watching them.
Or a calmly sleeping child. The pulse of their breathing is a gentle, slow perfection. We, you and I, we long to find this for you…….
This? You have come to me for this? You have asked me to help you to find you way, I cannot say back to, as you may never have been there at any time, even as a sleeping child, if your childhood was rough, tall and dark. You may never have known the peace of a deep, calm sleep, let alone the gentle repetition of peaceful flow in the mind and body. You have asked me to help you find a way to peace and stillness. This is why we are here, and I am sitting beside you, not looking directly in your eyes as this is such intimate work, that would make you uncomfortable. I am sitting next to you. Perhaps our shoulders touch, maybe you lean into me as we go on, because my voice is soft and relaxed and it helps you to calm a little, to soften into the warmth of me. We are gently, slowly & kindly exploring how to land into Stillness.
Do you remember?
But, perhaps, such a lovely word to whisper: perhaps…. I whisper perhaps. Perhaps we need to begin in the body and lull, lure, seduce the thoughts back in to the heart where they will curl up like a sleepy puppy or a warm tired kitten, in the soft, deep red, gently pulsating darkness. To sleep, like a child. It begins to appear that we long for an innocence within ourselves that we have long-lost, or may never have known

The stillness we seek has to be found in the body. But curiously, we must begin with the thoughts. They live as a swirling black cloud, out of your body, above your head, up, way up, in the mists of time, history and fable. We are going to begin to create a firm, yet consistent, pull on the tail of these tumbling, roaring, fearful & abandoning thoughts, pulling them down from the swirling and tumultuous pain of the past and fears of the future.

Please. Do read this through once. It is quite a series of instructions and I need you to play nicely. We have agreed to find stillness for you. So these instructions are paramount.

Sit comfortably. Preferably on the floor, legs crossed, hips higher than your knees. If you are not familiar with how to make this comfortable, you may need a big pillow to raise you up, or a tome or two. Otherwise a dining chair or table chair is good. Sit tall and straight, ankles crossed, knees wide apart. Hands gentle on the knees.

Close your eyes and sit for a moment. Make a choice that you want to meet your still self. Decide that it is safe enough to do so. If you do not feel safe enough…. why not? Does the door need to be closed? Shall we close the curtains? Let’s put the phone on silent. Put the cat outside. Better?

Close your eyes and keep them closed.

Close your eyes and keep them closed.

Close your eyes and keep them closed.

Relax your forehead. We have done this before so now you may be getting familiar with the layers of muscles you need to delve into, smoothing, releasing, softening.

Relax your ears, return to the forehead, releasing one more time.

Then the shoulders, breath out through your mouth, lips soft, slightly pouted. Inhale through the nose and do that again, no tension. Soft. Notice, just this will make you gentle.

As you begin to take a long, deep, inhale push your tail open, the belly forward, stretch the stomach and raise your ribs, pulling your shoulders back and finally raise your chin high so your lungs fully distend. Stick your tongue out as far as you can. Your eyes are closed and keep them closed.

Exhale and release down, and wait three seconds. Close your eyes and keep them closed.

Boom! There it is: the first flush of dopamine released into the system. It is a profound and magical moment. Stay with it. Stay still. Close your eyes and keep them closed. And begin to notice: no mind. No breath. Just stillness. Only perfection.

And now, your eyes remain closed. We go further.

Holding your knees, legs wide apart, either sitting cross-legged or tall and straight, ankles crossed. Make space, if on a chair, behind you for the flexing. As you begin to inhale, eyes are closed, tongue is pressed up, underneath your nose, inside your mouth, you will push your chest forward, raise your chin, shoulders pulled back. As you exhale you will lower the chin and push into a deep slouch, rocking back on your pelvis, shoulder blades opening.

Slowly, gently, kindly. Breath out, chin down, into the deep slouch, pushing back and down, emptying your lungs and belly of air. Inhaling and flexing your chest forward, chin up. Eyes closed, breathing slowly. Keep going. When you are comfortable, sitting as instructed, click play and close your eyes. Please. Use this to take you into the stillness.

To Spiral Is To Surrender To Radical Self Love. What a wonderful way to approach the next step. Radical self love. Are you familiar with the concept of absolutely loving your self? Not the narcissistic “walls of identity & ego structure” self love that most of us are either buckling in the face of, or towering over another with…. that is not a radical self love. That is a defence against the terror of nothingness. What we are about to do is to play with the Divine within. Can you allow yourself to meet the Divine within? Is there room in the adulterated chaos of your reality? Is there enough space in your day to give over a few minutes to find bliss? I promise so much! I know! Can I deliver? I can hear you ask….
You will push your rib cage to the side and slowly, slowly, eyes closed, and gently yet firmly rotate your rib cage forward, inhaling forward over your pelvis, raising your chin, and continue round to the opposite side to begin to tip back into a slouch, chin down, exhaling as you travel across the back of your pelvis and continue round to complete the circle. Keep going….

We move towards a posture, we move towards a movement, it is a moving posture: the Queen of The Exquisites. She, for this is an infinitely female movement, trust me, I just know this, takes you into a relationship with yourself that deepens with each experience. The potency of this Queen is that she goes so very deeply into the core of your being, into the deepest part of your traumatised and anxious escape mechanism, and she soothes you, over and over, as you circle around yourself. It is as if she can bind you back together. A magical, self-initiated soul retrieval. This radical self love relies on excellent music to assist you, to seduce you into letting her in, and she really shows her cards when you consciously take the very last spiral up, hold your breath, and remember this: Keep your eyes closed, lie down and allow the waves of stillness to wash over you.

We will sit, on a chair, or on the floor, hips elevated above the knees. This is important for the release of the stress system, but you cannot perch, cross-legged on a book for this, as you will fall over and I will be found to fail you.

We Go Deeper Now: You have sat in altered states of stillness. If you have not, go back, follow the instructions, keep your eyes closed. Trust me. Because I really do know. I know it is not easy. I repeat myself a 1000 times. I really do. I can gift you back to yourself. Really, I can. And your work is to let me… If you have not found perfect stillness: no mind, no breath, you have missed the dance, the steps, the footwork. You have not undone the buttons. You are still invested in your stress system. You are still guarding the gates against intruders, still hunched, ready to pounce.

How Can Something So Simple Be So Divine, So Exquisite, So Still? The breath is the most direct route to presence. Stillness comes with presence. Unless we are present we cannot be still. Each breath technique has a personality. This breath is unique in it’s ability to manage the mind. To breathe consciously is to sit in the presence of the Divine. To inhale is inspirito: to take in the spirit. To exhale is expirito: to die. The breath is the Divine manifested in presence. Sit beautifully. Ideally hands gently palms up, one on each knee. It is a receptive pose. Open & calm.

Close your eyes.

You will inhale slowly through tight lips. Initially you may manage 5 or 6 seconds. Exhale through your nose for the same time. Hold at the top of the breath for a moment, and the same at the end.

As the breath relaxes you, and it will, you begin to be able to breathe more silently and this, in turn, will slow the breath down. You could aim for 10-20 seconds)

Continue to inhale slowly and quietly through pursed lips. Notice the cool shaft of air and the column of cool stillness that you create within.

As you exhale, equally slowly, through your nose, notice this warm softness. The cycle of the breath is delicious, Divine, and fascinating.

Continue. Trust yourself now, you have taken the lead, it is your breath, your stillness, your gentleness that allows the breath to be so utterly seductive.

Finally: the last inhale. Your eyes are closed. Hold this breath for 5 seconds and gently breath out.

Be still………. No mind. No breath. You allowed me to gift you back to yourself.

I repeat myself a 1000 times, in the face of the power of your stress system. It is certainly robust, a fortress, nay, a Citadel. It is glowering tower within you. It has silently taken over your thoughts, your eyes, ears, nose, and all internal organs. It has persuaded your internal self that you will not survive without it’s hold.

It is a world within your mind and body that is determined to remain in place, guarding all the windows and doors, crouched, ready to pounce at the smallest sound, the merest glance, the quietest sigh. To gently undo the hold of this amazingly clever entity, for that is what it is, takes time and calm determination.

I know, and I am calm and determined. Trust me. Allow me to show you how you can experience yourself in stillness. Repeat the exercises between now and the next episode. Use the music, the visuals, my voice, my words, to take yourself, over and over, closer each time, to stillness.

It is a world beyond wildest dreams. It is a landscape that is so profound and expansive. It is the wonderlands of the Divine.

Trust me.

Layout: Sophie Budden. Editing videos and sound: Tom Vereker Research: Sara Jayne Edwards  The Hands: www.marcinfilipcybulski.com Screen print/painting on paper Size 77/58cm Music: Tay Ay. Lamplighter courtesy of High Focus Records. $inatra courtesy of Soundcloud.