The Void

Every major trigger, the ones that take you deep into your Hell, your Hinterland, is shocking, destabilising, is curious.
To me…
And I have made certain, absolutely deeply truly certain that you are triggered.
And Now….
….You are not sure of where you are….. you have been pulled out, supremely fast, from all sense of normal & known.
You find yourself lying on your back, arms wide open, eyes wide open, seeing nothing in the pitch black.
Utterly stranded, abandoned, all hope lost, alone.
Are you dreaming? Are you real? What is this? How can this happen so terrifyingly fast.
You wait.
Easiest, simplest, to choose that you must be asleep, caught in the weeds and tendrils of a nightmare. You wait…..
Wait for what? There is nothing, no one, not a sound. It starts to dawn on you…… You are in your own Void.
You have fallen into your own existential Hell Realm. You are awake in you own worst nightmare.
The Hell of Your Own Psyche. Never, ever, should you be there alone.
There is no temperature, all is 98.5 degrees, floating in blackness. It is impossible to sense where you end, where you begin.
You can feel the sensation of water in your ears, adding into the scream of the hissing in the ears which is now like a jet taking off. The nausea… purge? Vomit, into all that holds you? You cannot.
There is no leverage, nothing to hold, nothing to push against to jump up, out, away. Suspended, contained by nothing that can be sensed, you can only feel and hear movement in your ear.
You are held in the darkest black, in your own void. Do you dare to taste it? Is that all there is? No perfume, no sound, no words left, you slowly raise your index finger to dry lips to taste, but dare not open your mouth. There is just the feel, the thud of the drip as it hits lip, but nothing more. Do not dare to lick what dripped.
No moment of your reality, is this real? You don’t want to know that there is no sound, there are no words out there, only those in your mind. Thoughts jumble, mind turns in on itself and the scream flies out in terror.
The echoes. . . .
The echoes horrify. You were not expecting the peeling echoes, to instantly know the gigantic cavern in which you float. The number of times the cry, the nameless shriek lauds back at you, in wet, hissing, roaring ears, the only sensation still yours, the water lapping, the cry, mocking.
You come round again, you must have slept. Perhaps passed out in terror.
1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? How can you know?
Woken, shocked back by a sensation, a touch to the hand, you jump, shriek again, try to leap in terror and instead sink below the water, engulfed by tasteless, blood temperature warmth, horrible blood temperature warmth in eyes, mouth, hair…. Flailing, certain of drowning, which way is up? All feels the same. There is no normal.
“What did I touch?
What touched me?
Where am I?”
You cannot ask, call, there are no words left. No one can hear you.
But now you know, for sure, this is not just “My Void”.
You are in The Void.
Everyone’s deepest fear.
“I
Hear
A
Footstep
I
Hear
A
Sigh”
You scream out. Who’s there??
Now. A screaming now. You dare not breathe. All of you strains, pulls, focussed to hear anything, something, even if it is profoundly appalling. You must decide to be stunning in stillness.
But whatever is or was out there is not stunned, clearly.
There is nothing from the straining, from the pulling. No information. Just thick black stillness and an urgent need to breathe constrained by a combination of horror, terror and the possibility that there might be….
Float, float… very still, and start to focus.
I wait for you to Remember: You have a gift: Focus on beginning to create the tendrils that can be sent out, the focus that can stream out from fingers, ears, eyes, thoughts.
Start this up. Make all of these tendrils begin to meander out from in an orderly radiating search.
Like the finest spiders webs of attention, let them leave from your terrified and horrified psyche. Set them off on their scanning into this cavernous space.
Within an unmeasurable space of time, as you are aware that time really is, now, an abstract concept, you become a vibrant, vibrating being with thousands of tiny filaments coming off body and mind, senses, Millions of Mitochondria of Hyper-Vigilence, pouring out.
360 degrees of attention. All fear has transmuted itself into a vibrant, hyper-aroused being of super-normative attention.
Held, suspended by your own power, now, in The Void.
A state of suspended awareness, arousal, scanning, searching, expanded terror and determination to find, at the end of any single one of the thousands of minute sensors, something more than nothing.
Where is the residue of that footstep?
Where is the last vestige of that sigh?
I can see you. I can see you. You are taught in your terror. All senses streaming out in a magnificent search for me, my Footstep. My Sigh.
I love it! I love you in such a beautiful and aroused, expanded, gigantic web of terror, searching, searing, seeking, screaming in the tenacity of that stunning search for sound.
I close my eyes.
I sigh….. so imperceptibly. So quietly, I barely exist in the thrill of you, your horror.
I am In Love. With You. In your Rampant Horror. It is Utterly Exquisite. I am Enthralled, seduced, and lean gently in, quietly, calmly, sadistically subtle.
To Tenderly Touch a Tip of a Tendril.
To watch You Quiver…..
I cannot help myself. I HAVE to Sigh Again.